Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (revisited)

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Post by Guest Author:

“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”…catchy title for a book indeed!. It had caught my attention and became part of conscious mind while growing up surrounded by popular western cultural influences in an urban milieu of my country. And you can laugh at my naiveté, when I tell you that at the time I had taken the title in the literal sense, as the metaphorical implications of words had not yet developed fully for my understanding. It kept cropping up time and again around me till I graduated from my college. But, in spite of the catchy title and the colourful animated book cover, I had never bothered to actually get hold of the book, until recently, when one fine day my husband of 4 years bought home a cheap and pirated paperback version of the book.

I have to admit, it took me a while to get through the book; not that the language is difficult to grasp but it is the style of writing which was not able to hold my interest. Also, things explained are repetitive and lack a certain rhythm or flow in their structure. But eventually I decided to hobble through it, after being hurt in a heated argument with my husband who had already hogged the book and was taking a high ground by pointing out the flaws on my part which he found starker in the glow of his recent enlightenment on such issues.

I tell you, it has apparently helped in some small ways to make our conjugal relationship more congenial. I have always wondered how come our formal education misses out on effectively teaching us the fundamentals of two most important things in almost everyone’s life. First, the basic financial management and second the man-woman relationships. Our parents also do not do very good job of teaching us much as they themselves had never bothered to work it out and probably that is why most of the marriages become marriages in disguise and some end up in flames of divorce.

Anyways, the author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” seems to have done a decent job by at least being one of the few who has bothered to find out about what it takes to make “marriages made in heaven” feel also as heavenly blissful. He starts out by pointing out the basic differences between men and women, hence men from mars and women from Venus, which he consistently and annoyingly uses liberally throughout the book. Of course, he does so to reinforce by reminding you that how two genders are essentially two different species with differing behavioural attributes (which are interchangeable). The sooner one accepts that fact, better are the chances of making a harmonious relationship between the two genders.

Then he goes on to elaborate on how and why two different species start upsetting the harmony between each other. Essentially why and what leads to fights and arguments supported by various instances and examples from day to day life of coupling couples. Then towards the end he gives you the solutions or rather methods to help you to improve or as he claims, to overhaul the whole relationship between the married and buried couples. One thing that I think author failed to mention is that it requires certain level of basic compatibility first between man and woman to be willing to make any effort on either side to save their sinking ship. It seems to give the impression that any flagging relationship between man and woman can be revived if they follow his prescriptions. In my view, it requires some luck to first find a compatible companion and further how much hard work one is willing to put in to achieve success.

The book starts getting preachy towards the end, but then such is the flaw of books of this nature which are usually written by plain observation, some experience and no hard evidence unlike scientific subjects. Such books, in my opinion are meant to be read with a sense of scepticism and at the most one can take cues from it. Additionally, one needs to process and verify the truth of things mentioned in the book at one’s own level with experience and constantly revise them in the light of some new information. This sounds simple but is the hardest to implement and probably that is why in spite of abundant availability of such guides, divorce rates are rather soaring up across cultures and nationalities.

Guest author – Strawberry Fields Forever

For another post on the same book: https://theypublishbooks.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus-by-john-gray/

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